{"id":12678,"date":"2020-12-05T07:15:24","date_gmt":"2020-12-05T07:15:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/?p=12678"},"modified":"2026-04-18T19:34:31","modified_gmt":"2026-04-18T19:34:31","slug":"unpacking-2020-the-good-the-bad-and-the-uncertain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/2020\/12\/unpacking-2020-the-good-the-bad-and-the-uncertain\/","title":{"rendered":"Unpacking 2020: the good, the bad and the uncertain"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

There\u2019s a vaccine coming. I heard about it on the radio today. The presenters were excited. <\/strong><\/p>\n

There was an official sounding man talking about yoghurt as well. I think to stress the complicated nature of inoculating the country\u2019s population against a disease which turned 2020 upside down, shook it around, kicked it about and caused a lot of pain and suffering in the process. As opposed to yoghurt, which (depending on any allergies you might have) is a pretty harmless, straight-forward matter.\u00a0<\/p>\n

How did I feel about the vaccine? I didn\u2019t exactly jump for joy. Everything still seems so far away and so distant. I don\u2019t want to get my hopes up for a return to normality too quickly in case of being burned. And right now things are harder than they were the first time round. Maybe there\u2019s a bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder at play, but certainly there was a novelty to the first lockdown that made elements of it bearable, enjoyable even.<\/p>\n

Furloughed from my part time retail gig I watched a lot of TV and films. I read some good books. Once the shock of \u2018rethinking the year\u2019 passed it was fine, really. There were tangible things on the horizon too. Remember the joy of the restaurants and pubs opening up again? Of going round to someone\u2019s house? That was all prohibited, and getting it back felt like a gift. The summer showed up, just when we needed it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

This time it\u2019s harder. It\u2019s darker. And I can\u2019t look ahead. I haven\u2019t even thought about Christmas yet. Too far away. I turn 30 in January and I won\u2019t make any plans til nearer the time. Taking each day one at a time is the only way I can make this work right now. I admit that my lack of enthusiasm for the vaccine worries me slightly. I\u2019m not a science sceptic either. I am worried I\u2019ve got a bit of Stockholm syndrome. Am I afraid of leaving my captor?\u00a0 It\u2019s maybe melodramatic to say it, but I feel like the year has changed me. I can feel it physically and mentally. I need to unpack that before I re-enter the arena. I think we might be unpacking this year for a long time, as a society and – many of us – personally too.<\/p>\n

A new relationship with work<\/h2>\n

it\u2019s been a bit of a rollercoaster. I was extremely anxious about society as we knew it falling apart back in March, and then rallied to make the best of the time until November or so. By accident rather than design, this has been the first year that I\u2019ve ever sat and focussed on creative projects as my primary concern.<\/p>\n

Normally I\u2019m so preoccupied with making money to facilitate everything that I\u2019ve either been in full-time work or taking on an endless string of all consuming part-time jobs that leave me no time<\/i>. Money worries have been a problem throughout the year, but I\u2019m glad that life slowed down enough for me to re-evaluate my relationship with work, and with my creative endeavours – because I doubt I\u2019d ever have had the confidence in my own work to do that otherwise.<\/p>\n

It feels liberating to stare down the challenges of 2020 and beyond and feel assured in the decisions you\u2019ve made. In the person you have become. Nervous and anxious too, and by no means exempt from moments of self-doubt. I\u2019ve concluded that my relationship with making things is maybe the most important one in my life. It\u2019s the one that helps me make sense of all the other ones.\u00a0<\/p>\n

A big thing for me personally – and a lesson I will take into 2021 and beyond – is that adding other dimensions to your creativity is a positive thing. As a musician heavily involved in the machinations of what goes on behind the scenes, and also – at times – operating in that \u2018music journalism\u2019 field, it\u2019s safe to say I\u2019ve been far too close to it all for far too long. Far too bothered by things that are completely out of my hands. Putting far too much stock in metrics that are ultimately meaningless and say nothing about your work, reveal no truth. Focusing on the completely wrong stuff. For a long time I needed to do something else. People suggested it and I ignored the good advice because I was too invested in my existing routine, convinced that commitment to that was the be all and end all.<\/p>\n

What does it mean?<\/h2>\n

I wrote earlier in the year about the kick I got from doing freewriting workshops over zoom with Maria Sledmere and Connor Milleken\u2019s PopMatters workshops. Freed from any goals I was able to just scribble away and enjoy the process. Since October I\u2019ve been attending a writing group run by Thi Wurd<\/a> (who recently published two excellent new books, a collection of short stories and non-fiction memoirs by James Kelman). I had no real long term goal with this, no real ambitions, other than to write one short story that would at some point in the ten-week block be critiqued by strangers, which terrified me. Last week I did that. The hours building up to it were oddly exhilarating, nerves like I hadn\u2019t felt in years. A completely alien feeling.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t matter if the story is good or not, I don\u2019t think, though I will say I\u2019m not embarrassed about it and maybe one day I\u2019ll share it outwith the confines of that group. What matters more than any sense of achievement and occasion is how much doing something new and different\u00a0 in this sphere has revealed new things to me. I\u2019m watching films more carefully, hearing songs differently, even such a rudimentary thing as having a conversation is something I feel much, much more conscious of. I can feel it feeding my other thought processes, musically, lyrically. I can feel myself looking at situations differently now – not necessarily looking to mine them for potential content – just taking it in.<\/p>\n

Why is this happening? What does this mean?\u00a0 If this all sounds overly academic, I should stress that the pleasure I take in all things \u2018art\u2019 has been heightened since October. Whether that\u2019s watching Boyhood<\/i> for the first time amazed at the dedication of Richard Linklater and his cast, or marvelling at the subtlety in Eric Rohmer\u2019s The Green Ray, <\/i>or enjoying the hell out of New Radicals one hit \u2018You Get What You Give\u2019, or listening to whatever song you recommend me with an open mind.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It\u2019s made me hugely relaxed about where things go with my musical projects, which is something I have never been able to say with a straight face. I would probably fall into the category of \u2018ambitious\u2019. There are things I want to do in my life. Few of us are above that. But here\u2019s the thing, you can work as hard as you want\u00a0 – nothing is certain, a lot of things are out of your control. I view my job now quite simply; to make things that didn\u2019t exist before, and to do as good a job of that as possible, and ideally enjoy the process – or feel something. I can\u2019t control the reaction or the response though and I won\u2019t be wasting the slightest amount of energy caring about it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Just do it<\/h2>\n

I\u2019m finishing 2020 in strange circumstances. I\u2019m driving for a florist, taking flowers across the central belt. From South Ayrshire to North Berwick and everywhere in between. It\u2019s a fun job, and I can\u2019t help but wonder what\u2019s going on with the deliveries. What are people celebrating? Or mourning? Are the flowers expected? Do they require a father to call his teenage daughter downstairs to receive an offering from a prospective suitor? There\u2019s a lot of time to think, which is a blessing or a curse depending on the day.<\/p>\n

Today I didn\u2019t go out driving though. Instead I helped make wreaths. I can honestly say that this is the last thing I expected to do for money this year. And I enjoyed doing it, for much the same reason I\u2019ve come to love the process of writing short stories. Taking some time over something, figuring out what works, what doesn\u2019t – trimming it down to make bits stand out. It\u2019s all much the same thing, when you think about it. As I was doing this I released I hadn\u2019t done anything with such a visual focus for a long time. Something to think about, and be open to, going forward.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s my end of year message, I think. It\u2019s a little bit self-absorbed. Maybe it means nothing to you. Maybe it strikes a chord. I hope it means something. I\u2019ve had a terrible few weeks full of loss, young men gone well before their time, family members passing suddenly and unexpectedly, and generally beyond that feeling a bit trapped and hopeless. All of the things I\u2019ve written about have been a great comfort at some stage. So what\u2019s the thing you always wish you\u2019d done? Do it, I say. Do you need a break from the thing you should <\/i>be doing? Or do you just need an outlet in the first place? Are you wanting to paint, or start a writing class, or pick up the guitar? Don\u2019t worry about the destination, just let the process take you along.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Main image: Craig Angus in the studio\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Feature image of Craig Angus on home page, also used in the introduction to his Adventures in Lockdown<\/a> series for Sceptical Scot which began in May 2020<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s maybe melodramatic to say it, but I feel like the year has changed me. I can feel it physically and mentally. I need to unpack that before I re-enter the arena. I think we might be unpacking this year for a long time, as a society and – many of us – personally too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":323,"featured_media":12720,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[604,499,293,489],"class_list":["post-12678","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-culture","tag-covid-19","tag-craig-angus","tag-creativity","tag-ventures-in-lockdown"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12678","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/323"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12678"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12678\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18619,"href":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12678\/revisions\/18619"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12720"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12678"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12678"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sceptical.scot\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12678"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}